So, the problem came up in my life recently that I literally don’t know how to make friends. I’ve made a conscious effort to avoid talking to people for so long that I’m not comfortable if I’m not in a very closed off position. It isn’t that I’m shy, just that when I’m with friends, they are very specific (and almost always planned) parts of the day, so every other time I’m alone, usually with headphones in staring at my phone.

How does one solve this issue, you might ask? Well, if you look carefully, I already did. “When I’m with friends, it’s because it’s a very specific, often planned part of the day.” So if I’m trying to meet new people, the easiest way to do it is during planned parts of the day, certainly not at random times while I’m at the school. This means I have to find social situations in which people are already going to be friendly and open towards other people, (not during lunch or other times where they’re already hanging out with the people they want to). In other words, I need to join a club, or some sort of gathering that involves other people my age.

This isn’t the first time I’ve come to that answer, simply the first time I’ve been able to definitively say why it’s such a good idea. Think about it. When you’re in class (specifically college), most people will be there to learn, and even if the class is a boring one, it’s not the best place to make friends; at least, not if you’re introverted. Of course, some classes will be more conducive towards meeting new people, but for the most part I’ve gone through my college career being friendly with my fellow classmates and then disappearing off the face of the Earth when the semester is over (though who is the one disappearing has varied in each circumstance).

I’m well aware that “not having enough friends or people to talk to” isn’t a problem most people would ever consider. In our current world of social media, regular conversations with people across the globe, even regular meetings, isn’t even far-fetched anymore. If I tried hard enough. I could see (or at least communicate with) virtually anyone I’ve ever met on any given day. Even the first friend I had ever made (somebody I met before kindergarten) is a Facebook friend of mine, even if we don’t talk anymore.

So, if you’re lacking a substantial social circle like I am, there’s ways to get around it. Parties, bars, clubs (whether they involve DJs or books), etc. are great ways to meet new people, but really, the only thing you really need is to find people that are genuinely open to talk to strangers. A passing “Hello” certainly isn’t enough. Heck, getting a job could work out just fine, because coworkers are a great way to make friends.

If you don’t have easy access to any of those things (which I would doubt), my recommendation to you would be to go online and find groups in your area that physically meetup and talk about or do something you’re interested in.

And hey, making friends isn’t easy. But it’ll never happen if you’re not open to it.