I’m sort of weird in the way that I both hate planning things, but I’m not the biggest fan of spontaneity. I like to keep organized and have my week schedule planned out, but I also want it to be as clear as possible. For most things I put on a schedule, it’ll be something I don’t really want to do, and even if it’s something as fun as hanging out with a friend I don’t see often, it’s still a social thing that I can’t help but feel at least a sliver of anticipation for. Every thing I have planned is something that restricts me, so I’d rather not plan things.

But at the same time, I don’t really like doing things on the fly. My family is really bad at communication, so we’ve in the past had a lot of trouble with the fact that plans would be made without telling people, which results in “Hurry up, we’re leaving in ten minutes for this all-day thing you don’t know about.” It’s given me and ‘spontaneity’ a bad relationship, so I’m not the biggest fan of “Hey, do you want to go get some lunch?”

I’d imagine most people would fit on this spectrum somewhere, but I can’t place myself. I like being organized in most aspects of my life but I don’t want to have a filled schedule. Maybe it’s the fact that I like planning ahead, but I don’t like being busy. If spending time with a friend is the only thing I’m doing that day, I can look forward to it because if I need to get something done, I have the rest of the day to do it.

Still, I can be pretty spontaneous at times, too! Perhaps this could be attributed towards the idea of doing something being my personal offer. If somebody asks me to hang out, it can be difficult for me to want to, but if I’m the one that brings it up, obviously that would be a different story.

It’s sort of funny, the more I learn about myself the more I feel like my personality is based on contradictions and extremely contrived rules. (For example, when I’m dealing with numbers like volume level, or time frames, or chapters, I like setting it to very specific numbers. The volume for the stereo in my room is almost always ten, but sometimes its twelve or fifteen depending on what I’m using it for.) For every rule or preference I have for myself, I tend to have one or two exceptions. I consider most tv shows far inferior to movies because they take so much longer to get the story across (in regards to seasons, not individual episodes), and yet I spend hours on end watching Day[9] play Hearthstone. I could justify why this is an exception, but you get the idea.

I don’t know if contradictions like these is simply human nature or if I’m just strange, but I do know that I abide by far stricter personal rules than people tend to hold themselves to (because everybody whom I inform about the volume rules tells me I’m crazy). I have an order for myself and my life, and I can’t imagine it being any other way, but often it can lead to what appears to be contradictions in my own nature.