So, I was given a job opportunity the other day. I can go to the Bay area to work at a summer camp teaching kids archery for seven weeks. The summer camp is in a Redwood forest, and I will get paid (no idea what the wage is) and I assume all my meals will be paid for. It would be a great experience for me as both an authority/adult and as a writer because I’ll work as an instructor in a beautiful place teaching archery, one of the core things in epic fantasy.

But this also comes with cons. First off, I’ve literally never been away from home for that amount of time. Almost combined, in fact. I don’t think I’ve spent longer than ten weeks total outside my home county. I don’t know if I’m ready to handle that, because it isn’t a vacation. I won’t be relaxing. I would be teaching the whole time, and even when I’m not I won’t have a room to myself (not that that’s any different from normal). I get the impression that the only alone time I would ever have is in the bathroom, and every other moment of waking hours I will be surrounded by people I don’t know. I couldn’t even function properly after spending two days with my sister’s children.

I’m also leaving a lot of things here. I just joined a writer’s group. I can’t just say “Hold on, I’m going to miss the first seven or eight weeks I’m a member but I am totally interested I promise”. I’m also leaving my improv troupe. I’m still largely holding it together, and while I don’t think they would fall apart without me, it obviously wouldn’t function as well without a coach.

I’ve also explained that I don’t want to drop what I’m doing (writing) to do something I may or may not enjoy. I don’t want a job I don’t like, especially since I don’t need money. And I especially don’t want that job if it means I can’t write. I don’t even know if I would be able to keep up with the daily blog during that time, and I certainly wouldn’t be able to write fiction outside of it.

And yet this is still a wonderful opportunity. Redwood forests are breathtaking, and having only been to one once, I would love to go again. Also, I would be getting free formal training in archery, which is something that would be invaluable for my writing. If I wanted to get it elsewhere I would have to pay for it. Lastly, this is an annual sort of thing. There is a chance, though I have no idea how high it is, that I will be able to do this next year, perhaps when I’m more grounded and will have a better understanding of things.

I still don’t know what I’m going to do. I have to decide in a few days, and with important things like this, I’m afraid that regardless of what I choose to do, the decision I make will be the wrong one. Would I regret going by way of suffering exhausting work I’m not well suited for? Or will I always remember what I could have done? I try to gauge how future me will judge the decision, but of course its not easy to decide without knowledge of the future.

So, future me, if I made the wrong choice, I apologize. I’m only doing the best I can.