Three more shifts. Sixteen hours. I only have to endure a little bit more of that terrible work. But at least now I have bragging rights.

As of today, I’ve cleaned up everything you can imagine a body excretes. I’m still shuddering. When you’re trying to get a job in retail, make sure you know exactly what you’re getting in to. I signed up for cleaning bathrooms, sure, but I did not sign up for expecting the bathrooms to consistently need… “deep cleaning”. Let’s just say people miss.

Before getting this job, I could count on one hand the number of times I had intentionally cussed. I’ve changed. My job simply doesn’t allow for you to be nice to people. People are awful. I knew that before I got hired. But now I know. Somebody honked at me today for getting in their way when I was pushing carts. Like, what the hell? For one, I’m a pedestrian. I have the right of way in parking lots. But also, I’m obviously working. I wear a high visibility jacket and and obviously putting in effort. The audacity of some people astound me. If you’re so high and mighty that I’m ‘beneath’ you in the social ladder, then why in the world are you shopping at Target?

This is what’s worrying me the most about this job. Before, I was always courteous to the people around me. I’m nonconfrontational and I like to see people smile because of something I’d done. But now I don’t care. I’m apathetic towards even the people I work with, which I hate myself for. Now, I act selfishly, almost daring people to say something. Before, if somebody tried to push their way, I would let them. Now I almost want them to inconvenience me so I can show them the error of their ways.

At this point I consider certain responsibilities of my job to be not worth the effort. I don’t like cashiering because I can’t listen to audiobooks but also it means I’m not doing anything strictly ‘my job’. It means I’m not grabbing carts or doing a bathroom check, which could be considered neglecting my duties by some.

I was told that your employer isn’t allowed to say anything bad about you to future employers. That makes it so much harder to stay. I could never show up to work again and literally the only repercussion I would get is that I would be paid less on my last pay check. It’s only because I’m not a terrible person that I intend to stay. That and not having an income will make me want to at least leave off with as much money as possible.

I can’t wait to breathe and actually be able to do what I want with my time though. Even if some of that time is spent looking for another job. I don’t plan on actually getting another job until the summer, though, because juggling work and school was one of my major reasons for quitting in the first place. I want to actually spend time on getting to work on Dreamscape.